Admittedly, it isn’t always easy to be just friends with a member of the opposite sex. But when it’s sexual attraction, rather than real feelings, that gets in the way, an easy solution is to get into a ‘friends with benefits’ type of agreement. This is when you hook up randomly, when you’re both in the mood, with no strings attached. This can be someone you’ve known for a long time, or someone you’ve met recently, it doesn’t really matter.
But does it always work out? Is it as simple as it appears? Can you both overcome your physical attraction, get that relief, and continue being friends? Sure, but only if you decide to make some strict ground rules to start with, and you stick to them. For example, if you decide never to flirt publicly around each other, ensure that always happens. Or if you agree to end it as soon as one of you gets involved with someone else, then do that. Don’t stray away from the rules if you want it to work.
However, sometimes the lines manage to get blurred without you meaning them to. Here are five signs to look out for if you think this might be happening to you:
1. There’s a lot of affection
You greet each other with kisses, there’s a lot of non-sexual hugging, you hang out for reasons other than sex... this is all leading towards relationship territory, and you should probably have a discussion about it. If you’re both comfortable with moving in that direction then that’s fine, but if one or both of you aren’t, it might be time for a rethink.
2. You’ve become much more open about it
If you’ve started taking photographs together and posting on one another’s Facebook walls, then you’re marking your territory with him. Also, if you’ve met one another’s friends – or worse, families – then your fling is becoming serious.
3. You think about him
If he’s on your mind a lot, if you miss him when he isn’t around, if he’s the first person that you want to share your news with, then feelings are coming into play. You’re in danger of getting your heart broken. It might be time to get out now, especially if you know he doesn’t feel the same way. Particularly if he has more than one ‘friend’.
4. He remembers things about you
If he notices things about you, such as a haircut that definitely isn’t a dramatic one, then he’s paying too much attention to the little things. If he orders your favourite food without you having to ask, or makes coffee in the way you like from memory, then he’s thinking about you more and more. This happens so easily with this type of casual relationship, it’s difficult to remain just that, so if you don’t want more you need to talk about it.
5. You aren’t meeting anyone else...
If you’re holding off meeting someone that you could have a real relationship with, or you spend too much time comparing every other guy to your ‘friend’ then it’s time to put an end to it. While a ‘friends with benefits’ agreement can be fun and beneficial for a short time, it isn’t a long term agreement, and if it’s preventing you from finding that it’s time to rethink things. You wont be happy with having only that forever.
You don’t have to end things with your ‘friend’ in a dramatic way. things can just fizzle out with an adult discussion. That way you can still maintain a friendship with them, even if things are awkward for a little while.
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